the unnatural mother

embracing mother-ing and all its glory – from wet diapers, spit-ups, tantrums to first smiles, hug-a-bugs and sweet cuddles

Mid 2014 August 25, 2014

Filed under: Parenting — reeseyenko @ 9:04 pm

Well, its not exactly the middle of 2014 but it’s somewhere there.
I have been extremely busy to the point of not knowing where I had put myself in this chaos of raising 3 children and trying to make a living.

So where am I in the middle of 2014? I am in the middle of the sea of life drowning.

The 3 kids are going to school – 7.9 y/o, 4.3 y/o and 2.9 y/o. All of them bundles of energy and individually, their own person. Each one needs a different strategy but one thing remains, they don’t take orders – nothing is easy with these 3 kids. Yet, the most difficult to deal with is the eldest (bar his father). I have brought him to a neuro-developmental pedia to assess his behavior because, frankly, this whole 1st quarter of school was hell. His behavior progressing to the negative end of the spectrum and I, his supposed ‘gaurdian angel’, am at wits end and losing myself to a monster I did not know lived in me. He has to take 6 months of occupational therapy in the hopes of addressing his attention deficit. He also has to get his sleep apnea checked because, apparently, it affects behavior. Sigh. These are definitely not from me.

Meanwhile, we have plans – we’ve been working and spending money towards a goal I cannot yet reveal. And we are on the last step. Yet, it is in the hands of my husband. All up to him. If it were up to me, I would plunge into it but it’s not. And the crazy thing is, he is not willing to take the step. If we don’t take this step soon, we lose our chance. So much for putting your life and future in the hands of one person.

There is pressure to raise ‘good children’ – who wouldn’t want this? And so we have made steps to at least try – eating meal times together as a family, special dates with each child, praying together, reading books – just to name a few. But all these seems contrite and never really hitting the bullseye.

Meal times are chaotic to say the least – 3 children, 2 nannies and 1 parent.  One child talking or singing rubbish while the 2 laugh. The other refusing to eat or spits out each bite. Another is under the table. Sometimes, one is throwing up or running around or making a car fly across the whole length of the table. Where is the other parent? Either sleeping, gaming or surfing the net and when that parent finally makes it to meal time, all he can do is reprimand and scold. It’s a scene right out of a parent’s horror movie.

If meal times are chaotic, play times are UFC events – all three kids are either shooting imaginary guns at each other OR wrestling each other – trying to be the first one to get another knocked down and crying.

Leaving the house which means getting ready for a trip out consists of flying clothes and shoes, an exhibition of private parts and a little bit wrestling and crying. And again, 2 nannies and 1 parent for the 3 kids – one for each kid to keep them apart. The car ride is as exciting as well – fast and wreckless to get to our destination on time.

In all these, I cannot say much of my husband. He is a true man – isolated and doesn’t adapt to anyone or anything, he does what he wants, when he wants, he is never at fault and you should never react to his driving because he loses focus. Your reactions are your responsibility and should never be accounted against him.

I cannot count the times I have walked out, locked myself in the bathroom, sat catatonic in front of the pc or shutdown completely.

But my religion has taught me to see the blessings in the storm – at least we have jobs and the kids are in school, we have the opportunity to diagnose problems and ‘try’ to address them, we have friends, we have help and we have a roof over our heads. Last but not the least, we are given new life each day to try and try again.